You may have seen pronouns printed on name tags at some organizations, or as an optional field on registration forms. If your parish hasn’t encountered this yet, it will. Here’s what it’s about, why it matters, and how to help your congregation receive it well.
Everloving Pride is transforming this strategy into a downloadable parish flier — formatted for name tag racks, printable on standard paper, and ready to use. The content here is the full text of the original resource developed and field-tested at St. John the Baptist Episcopal Church in Lodi, California.
What’s this all about?
Language changes over time. English is no longer the same as it was in Shakespeare’s time. Today’s grownups don’t speak like today’s teenagers, and tomorrow’s teenagers won’t speak like teens do today.
Today’s change in how pronouns are used in English is a lot like how courtesy titles changed in the 1970s. Then, some women started becoming uncomfortable being identified by their marital status. Using “Ms” instead of “Mrs” and “Miss” as a courtesy title sure felt awkward for quite a few years. Now, no one thinks twice about it. In other situations, we’ve abandoned courtesy titles completely, and just use first and last names.
Now, we’re going through a similar language shift, where some people find that their inner identity doesn’t match what others think they look like, or that “she/her” and “he/him” pronouns aren’t adequate to describe who they really are.
Why do some people use different pronouns?
Today, a growing number of people choose to use pronouns that match their gender — their internal sense of who they are. Your gender can match social and cultural expectations for your biological sex, or can be the opposite, or can be both or neither. To make it easier for others to remember which pronouns each person uses, name tags often include this information.
- Some people are born intersex, having biological and genetic characteristics of both sexes.
- Some people have ambiguous appearances — they may be unusually tall for their sex, not have facial hair, have lost their hair from chemo for cancer, or simply be too young.
- Some feel they are in the wrong body (transgender).
- Some are non-binary — they recognize that their inner identity doesn’t fit neatly into any one traditional gender label. They may choose to use “they” as a singular pronoun, or experiment with new pronouns recently developed for this purpose.
Creating a safe space for all
When a person tells you that their pronouns are different than the standard usage you grew up with, they are entrusting you with a very special — and often very vulnerable — part of their inner self. Respecting and honoring this choice is part of the way we live into our baptismal vow to “seek and serve Christ in all persons.”
Whatever your own pronouns are, adding them to your name tag or stating them when you introduce yourself signals that this is a safe space for those who value the new ways of using pronouns.
The most common reason individuals add pronouns to their name tags is simply to show that they are safe people to whom others can reveal their pronouns.
What if you accidentally use the wrong pronoun?
Old habits often kick in when we try something new. Occasional mistakes are bound to occur.
Be gracious with yourself and each other if this happens. Assume that everyone has the best intentions. Apologize if you made the mistake. Be gentle if you’re correcting someone else. Laugh together at the awkwardness of these times of change. Love one another for trying.
- Add a pronoun field to your name tags at the next parish event — optional, never required. Model it yourself.
- Print and place a version of this explainer near your name tag station so people understand what pronouns are and why they matter before they’re asked to share theirs.
- Check whether your diocese has a preferred name and pronouns policy and make sure your parish is following it.
- When you introduce yourself in a group setting, include your pronouns. It normalizes the practice for everyone in the room.
- If someone makes a mistake, correct it gently and move on. The goal is a culture where getting it right matters more than the embarrassment of getting it wrong.
This resource was developed and field-tested at St. John the Baptist Episcopal Church in Lodi, California, where it has been used at name tag racks and parish events. St. John’s is part of the Episcopal Diocese of San Joaquin. For questions, reach Andee Zetterbaum at azetterb@aol.com.
